VICTIM OR VICTOR
“…As she sat and waited, her thoughts swayed in extremes: This is not going according to my childhood dreams. I am a respectable, virtuous woman with unquestionable morals. Why am I here? It’s his fault, he didn’t do what he promised? He is forcing me to take this drastic action to get what belongs to me? It’s ultimately my father’s fault, after all, he is the one who chose my husband. I would never be in this position if he had found a better match for me. I trusted him. I obeyed. I did the right thing, and here I am, sitting as a prostitute and not a good one at that, as so many men have passed by without looking in my direction. I must be invisible. I can’t even be a good prostitute, no one sees me. I’m just a failure.”
The longer she sat and waited, the more jumbled her rampant thoughts became: “He’s not coming. I’m not on the right path. God is not going to bless me with a child, look at all the hurdles I’ve already endured to get what I know should be mine. I’m just a failure and need to give up this quest, but how can I? I’ve come this far. It’s my inheritance. I’m not giving up without a fight. I’ve done nothing wrong to deserve this? This shouldn’t be a struggle. It’s not a challenge for other women, why is this so difficult for me? Anyway, it’s too late to turn back now.
Oh God! What am I doing here? What are your plans for me? Surely, it’s not this. I’d better leave before it’s too late. Is it worth it? I’ll find another way. I’m sure there is another way? But God, You said, You promised, I believe, my father believes. Why is this so challenging? How low must I go? The price is too difficult to pay. I’m giving up. The longer I sit and wait, the more ridiculous I look and the more of a failure I feel. I’m not a prostitute, but if it takes becoming a prostitute to attain my promise, I will become what I need to become. Oh God, show me a sign, remind me of your promise again, show me your favor.
At that moment she lifted her head….”
(Reference: Beyond Religion, “Nevertheless,” W.A.Vega, Volume 6)